To feel is a revolutionary act.
What does sentence mean to you?
For me it’s about giving me space for both joy and pain. I talk a lot about creating a joyful life –letting in those things in your life that make you happy even if it doesn’t make sense. I like to think of joy in the little things and like most people also look forward to weekends and special occasions or vacations. We know what to do in those circumstances right? ?
But what about pain, sorrow, frustration, shame, unhappiness… when you’re “unjoyful” (yes, I just made up a word!). What do you do with the emotions when something is messed up? You made a mistake? When someone you love dies? When you move and your heart is cleaved in two? Or someone disappoints or hurts you?
What then?
Give yourself space and time to process it.
To feel is a revolutionary act.
How are you letting yourself PROCESS what is painful? It’s something I encourage you to be active and courageous in facing because even if you think you don’t have to “deal with it,” trust me your body knows.
Those emotions and thoughts are always there, whether you’re consciously acknowledging them or not. The ickiness is there and it’s going to manifest itself in other ways from aches and pains to stress to lashing out at others.
Pain doesn’t just go away. It’s your soul begging you to love something that is difficult. I really can’t tell you how to process “negative” emotions like disappointment or grief. I used air quotes on purpose because I think that’s one of the fallacies of our society – categorizing emotions as good or bad.
What if we stopped making unjoyfulness something wrong or negative?
To feel is a revolutionary act, regardless of how its categorized.
What if the goal was just to feel – pure and simple. To be able to name our emotions and go from there in a way that’s healing and productive. I think people are worried about being stuck in the ugly place. One time I left my journal open and my husband read it and was concerned because the entry was me processing something that I was ashamed of.
I smiled at him – deeply confident and said, “those writings actually make me more powerful, not weaker.” Being able to face what hurts means I’m not afraid of my vulnerability. I’m stronger and wiser because of it.
In the words of the wise Brené Brown, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
I want to live from that place.
Because I want to feel alive. I want to feel all my emotions. I don’t want to be numbed out on social media, electronics, screens, wine and food.
I used to be afraid to be alone with my thoughts and emotions ~ but now it’s sacred time for me. I’m so, so thankful for this wholeness I feel on the inside. This is hard to explain in society’s terms of success because it doesn’t relate to pounds lost or dollars earned. There’s no metric for having a deep sense of peace.
Am I totally zen all the time, not at all. But this isn’t about being the perfect human who never gets mad. It’s about being in tune with yourself and processing emotions.
Over the course of the last few years, I created rituals and routines that set the stage for me to do this on a daily basis. I can’t say these are the activities you should do because I think it’s different for everyone, but hopefully there’s something you can use from this list.
- Writing
I have pages and pages and thousands of words written… pretty much this is how feel: “I don’t know what I think until I write it down.” by Joan Didion. I know journaling is hard for people, but there’s an incredible power that’s unleased when we can move things from thought looping to written expression. Sometimes I share my writings, sometimes I don’t. I get up in the morning before my family, drink my coffee and let the words pour out of me. It’s magical and just for me. - Movement
Clarity doesn’t come from thinking, it comes from action. Humans weren’t meant to be so sedentary. Besides the myriad of physical health benefits that exercise brings, it’s also incredibly helpful for working through emotions. It’s a chance to connect to your body and mind… to lose yourself in endorphins and get out of torpor. - Music
There’s just something about beats and layers of notes and singing that can speak to a deeper level of ourselves. I have music in my life every day, from playlists for yoga and meditation to afternoon dance parties, to cooking, to getting ready. - Breath
This is BIG one. We simply don’t breathe deeply enough. Maybe that’s meditation or choosing a certain breathing pattern or rhythm. Personally, I love breathwork classes, but I also regularly “check in with my breath,” meaning I notice if I’m breathing shallow or deep, fast or slow. It’s pretty amazing how you can control your heart rate and your thoughts by paying attention to your breath. - Safe Space
I like having a coach because I have someone who I can talk to that isn’t judging me and has no vested interest in the outcome (besides my wellbeing). It’s quite different than a friend or a spouse or a family member. It’s not about advice. It’s safe, loving supportive and very necessary. We all really need and deserve it.
Other things (modalities, if you will) I believe in: practicing gratitude, controlling my inputs (reading things that lift me up/support me), hugs and intimacy, being in nature, puppy snuggles.
The key factor in finding something for you is that you do it regularly – daily is what I recommend. Yes, breathe every day! ? If you aren’t sure what might work for you, I encourage you to try different things until something sticks. Set reminders in your phone or get a coach (like me, cough: cough… see button below).
Just because you are facing something unjoyful, it doesn’t mean that you’ve figured out how to get rid of everything associated with that hurt. Life isn’t like that, right? It’s not about being hassle and pain-free.
It’s about choosing the fullness of life. We don’t need to fear what seems broken. We want to make space for the revolutionary act of feeling. It’s how you get to a place of being whole and complete, and I so deeply wish that for you.
Many hugs,
Laura
TLDR:
To feel is a revolutionary act.
Make space for processing emotions.
What can you do on a regular basis?
I wish wholeness for you.
P.S. I must give credit to my coach, Kristen Kalp who gave me the phrase “to feel is a revolutionary act” in one our sessions. I often say that I came to her to get a business plan, but she helps me actually “do life.” ?
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I help stressed out working professionals stop destructive habits and be healthier and more joyful, so you can make lasting changes and achieve goals, even if you are busy. I do this through one-on-one coaching packages that provide a customized visual gameplan that you can actually use. Just hit reply to talk to me about scheduling a complimentary breakthrough session to get started on your personal plan.
