I journal a few times a week. It’s a quiet, sacred time because there’s nothing like the stillness before dawn. This is a topic I was mulling over and I wanted to ask you:
What is the standard or vision of what your life should be, <<First Name>>?
And I mean “should” in the sense of where something is wrong and feels icky. The range of icky could be from sort-of-debilitating to something you’re constantly complaining about.
There’s a general sense of:
… should be farther along
… shouldn’t be dealing with these same issues
… should know better
If you could get a handle on these things, then maybe you wouldn’t feel so inadequate; there wouldn’t be suffering or struggle. Life would be grand.
So what’s the human response to this? Well, of course it’s, control and perfectionism, right??
I have a confession.
I’m a perfectionist, but not in a “Type A, I can’t handle chaos kind of way,” it’s more of a “do whatever you can to please people and make sure there are no mistakes. ever.” paradigm.
Sounds realistic, right? 😜 We all know perfectionism exists!! All the commercials, Instagram and self-help books tell us so!!! HINT: It’s a justification so that we can then be sold on all the ways that we need to be fixed.
It’s a bit of a conundrum when the message is: “It must be perfect, but I’m inadequate.”
Feeling inadequate shows up as:
- procrastination
- binary thinking (“I’m all or nothing”)
- blaming other things/people in life
- not willing to try because “what is the point?”
- being busy all the time
- positivity bypassing (just say happy thoughts and it’ll be fine)
- using “innate personality” characteristics for why something isn’t possible
When we feel inadequate, we feel powerless. We walk around resisting our life as it is, but curiously also not having the energy to change it. Plus, we spend an inordinate amount of time beating ourselves up for said inadequacies, amiright?
And maybe saying “life” is too big and vague — change that to one specific scenario or situation where we feel inadequate.
- your weight
- stress or binge eating
- never working out
- something with your kids
- how crappy you feel in your body
- a relationship that is toxic
- a job that sucks the life out of you
- a habit that you can’t seem to break
The thing you thought loop about as you fall asleep or wake up in the middle of the night or easily get flustered by. “Why can’t this just be easier!?!?!”
The first step is admitting the perfectionism, then accepting the inadequacy.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Not gonna happen, your ego might scream.
Pause. Breathe.
What inside you is asking for acceptance?
Pause. Breathe.
I don’t know what you’re doing right now or when you’re reading this. But just for a moment, close your eyes and take a really big, deep breath. Let a gentle smile spread across your face. Sit up a little straighter. Roll your shoulders back. Be flooded with peace.
Pause. Breathe.
Can you accept what is “wrong” in your life? Not accept and give up; but accept and make peace. Can you stop labeling it as wrong? The labeling, the worrying, the battling, makes it bigger and bigger. It will keep you in overwhelm forever.
Pause. Breathe.
Surrender. Accept the suffering. Accept the struggle. Then receive the joy.
You deserve good things.
A strange thing happens when you surrender. It’s not defeat. It’s the true beginning of power.
When it no longer matters if it’s perfect. When the question of “is it enough?” becomes irrelevant. When you take action, not from a place of inadequacy and doing it anyway, from a place of peace and calm.
It’s relaxed and fun. It will still require hard work, but it’s not a punishment.
I became a health coach because I always battled food and eating. Food was never easy. I didn’t exactly realize at the time, but getting my certifications was a way of healing and accepting. The more I learned, the less I worried about perfect eating. I developed ways to cope with stress instead of eating my feelings.
Food and eating is easy now. First I surrendered and healed and then the practical parts flowed in. I love to mix the esoteric questions of life with a bit of practicality! I think first feed the spirit, address the heart and then give the mind something to do.
So please, <<First Name>>, I hope you pause and breathe, and then here are a few things you can implement to help making eating easier.
Top 10 Tips for Eating Just Right
- Only eat what is plated or put in a bowl.
This means no snacking while prepping food or grabbing something and eating out of the bag.
- Use smaller plates. We tend to eat whatever is on our plate, so start with a small one.
- Be mindful of what you’re eating.
No screens of any sort while you’re eating. Ever. This is totally mindless eating. You might as well eat dog food because you’re so disconnected to what’s going in your mouth. This also goes for eating at your desk while working. It’s ok to take a 7 min break for lunch.
- Put down your fork while you chew your food, try for 20 chews.
Don’t get the next bite ready, while you’re still chewing. Pause and savor. If you’re eating in your car on your way to and from, try for it to not be as manic.
- Go to the fridge instead of the pantry for snack.
The goal is to eat real food as much as possible, versus processed food. Before you have something, ask the question — could this spoil? Will it die or could it live forever? We’re aiming for more alive things!
- Stop eating when you’re 80% full, not all the way full.
This one is HARD because it takes a while for the hormone sensors to click on and communicate with our brain and different foods take longer for this to work. Try for no second helpings.
- Take a break from alcohol for a bit.
- Protein is priority.
Have protein at breakfast! Eggs. Steak. Oats. Ham. Skip the cereal.
- Menu plan and think about food ahead of time.
Ever hear of optimal foraging theory? Animals want to spend the least amount of energy to get the most out of their food. We’re kind of the same way. That’s why Door Dash is successful.
- Don’t keep food on the counter or in line of site.
Be strategic in your pantry and on the counter.
So, the question is… can you do any of these from a place of joy and curiosity, acceptance and surrender?
I have two programs going on to help with your overall fitness, health and well being.
One is a 6 week fitness and nutrition program at my gym for people who think it would be awesome to have a trainer and coach in person. Results = lose weight, get stronger, feel freaking fantastic in YOUR body.
The other is a 3 week virtual program called Be Vibrant for people who want some guidance and help with being motivated to eat in way that is nourishing and energizing. You can read or sign up for that online. Results = create new habits, you’ll feel way better!
Anyone who signs up for either program by the end of the day on Friday, Jan 7 gets a bonus 1:1 call with me!!
Hit reply to find out more!
May you treat your suffering with grace. May you breathe and pause. May you believe that you deserve good things.
From my heart to yours.
Laura
P.S. Sign up before the weekend for a BONUS call with me!!! You’ll get one on one support!!!
