Today marks a week since one of the most magical times of my life.
I went to California to a business/life retreat ~ 6 women and our coach who put us on the hotseat, quite literally because it was 100 degrees in LA and there was no a/c in the house.
But it wasn’t suffocating at all, rather I thought of it like a womb ~ safe and warm and the perfect place to be vulnerable and emotionally naked.
The logistics of the event was 3 1/2 days of workshops, lessons, activities, and personal one-to-one discussion. We picked the topics and the coach would expand and drill down, watching for tells in our body language for the things we were trying to hide.
We had delicious food, camaraderie, and a really unique space to live in (it was kind of like the Weasley’s Burrow house from Harry Potter with endless passageways, rooms built upon rooms, fascinating woodwork and stained glass. It was colorful and lively like a scene from Alice in Wonderland).
But it wasn’t just the beauty of the surroundings with the ocean views and the nice furniture that made the experience so memorable. Or even the delightful friendships that I know will be lasting and remain strong as the years pass.
It was the chance to just be.
And not like “I’m away on vacay, so I don’t have to think about XYZ right now.” But time to sit and think and laugh and feel.
I went there to get a 7-step plan for my business(es) and to work with someone who I knew would see past my BS. The way I figure it, we pay people for stuff outside our expertise all the time, accountants, personal trainers… mechanics. I hired a coach to help me address some of the things bubbling up emotionally and energetically in my career and how I want to spend the rest of my life.
I think this kind of feeling happens to a lot of moms who orient their sense of self around children and family. There’s SO MUCH TO DO that we don’t stop to spend time in that space outside of that role, allowing ourselves to connect to our truest wants.
But we cannnot always help where our thoughts and hearts take us. I personally like, and look forward to, listening to myself ~ figuring out if asshole brain and self-doubt are running rampant or if there’s something deeper that I need to address, but keep pushing down numbing with wine and social media.
My life, like most women around me, has become an endless series of to do lists. My value based on what I’ve accomplished that day, what clients I’ve helped; the lunches made and chores completed.
I’ve been working on letting go of that obsessive desire to be productive, “out busying” my friends and wearing stress like a badge of honor.
When was the last time you took a deep breath all the way through your body?
When was the last time you voted something off your to do list? (and not just cause you ran out of time that day)
Can you imagine telling someone, “Yeah, I don’t have anything going on today?” …scratch that, how do we NOT have something going on?
All the busy-ness. All these to dos. All this accomplishing leave no time to play and just be. The best way I can explain that feeling is capturing the spirit of a toddler ~ laughing and playing and enjoying random shit. That’s what I’m making space for. I’m voting off guilt and perfection, especially when it comes to my work.
Yes, I came away with some solid action items from the retreat, with goals and accountability from my coach (she’s calling me on Nov 16, so I better have that shit done).
But the single most important take away for me:
No guilt about being human.
For me that means:
- writing more, even if I’m not tracking the time or see the immediate value (read this post about how the timer stole my joy)
- no working when my kids are home
- caring less about what people think and curating
- planning sparkle days with my mom, who is one of the most fucking fantastic people on the planet and I like being around her, but we keep rescheduling lunch and playdates because of work
- laughing more
- having more morning sex
- not turning this list into a freaking checklist, by which I will hold myself up to and see if I “failed” or not
So, your *healthy* dose of reality is stop for a sec and see if this resonates with you and then to consciously decide to vote something off your to do list. And make space for something else that’s a hella more fun. What would that be for you?
