4 Steps to What You Want

Oct 1, 2020 | blog

I still remember the moment when I was journaling one early morning and I wrote, “I have a great relationship with food. But I have a horrible one with eating.” 

It occurred to me that they’re not the same. Ding, ding, ding!! 💡

Food brings me joy; makes me feel creative and allows me to show my love for others when I cook.

Eating stressed me out and was something I couldn’t trust myself around. Meals or snacking would turn out in way that made me disappointed and frustrated with myself at some level. 

This awareness about the difference in the two caused a seismic impact on my relationship with eating. I developed a freedom and an ease that was missing. 

I became the boss.  

Here’s how that happened… 

I Went Through These 4 Steps

Everything starts with awareness. We don’t “figure” something out without introspection. I’m all for taking action, but I think making time for curiosity is more efficient in the long run. 
Here’s the questions I ask myself when I’m working through something. 

  1. What feeling am I seeking?
  2. What do I really believe deep down about myself and [insert subject]?
  3. What beliefs and outcomes do I really want?
  4. What actions can I take to support what I want and what I’m seeking?

Yeah, there’s a lot of “reallys” in here! #drama But it’s because I want to get past surface level responses (aka what society says, such as “weigh less” or “earn more”).

Here are My Answers

When the word “horrible” is part of your description of something, then it’s a pretty big signal that something needs to change. This is how I answered the questions above in relation to eating.

1) What feeling(s) am I seeking when it comes to eating? 
Ease and joy 

Framing this answer with a feeling is important when setting any goal or making any change. Yes, the specific number is relevant, but it’s about how that outcome makes us FEEL. That number or goal is driving you because YOU decided to assign it meaning (it’s probably totally useless as a metric to someone else). Have you ever reached a milestone and it was sort of anti-climactic? 

It’s because we’re actually seeking a feeling not a thing… the thing is a representation – security, fulfillment, energy, relaxed, freedom, strength, sexy, power, peace, respect.

Only you can answer that question for yourself. 
2) What do I REALLY believe? 
Old Answer – I’m going to F this up
New Answer – I’m the boss. 

When I used to ask this question, it was negative. I knew that no matter what I ate (healthy or not), the underlying narrative was that I was going to mess it up. What you believe deep down is going to be the driving factor. We have to start here to develop awareness and to face the villain inside you that’s giving you the BS negative answer.

When the new answer becomes the default, this is called transformation.  
3) What beliefs and outcomes do I really want? 

Do I really want to feel stressed out about eating? No, I don’t! But, our minds are crazy powerful and saying the opposite of what we want by adding “don’t” or “not” doesn’t work. 

Don’t think about elephants. 

What just happened there? Did you picture an elephant? 😁

This part is key to making long-lasting change. You have to state what it is you want!!!
Examples: I trust myself around food. I stop eating when I’m full. I know deep down, I don’t need to eat to make me feel better. 
4) What actions can I take to support what I want and what I’m seeking? 
Only eat what’s on my plate; skip the leftovers; plan out snacks; notice the difference between when I’m hungry and when I’m stressed; recognize that the science of food makes me want to eat, that it’s not a personal weakness.

These are the practical steps and most of the time, we skip right to here. Yes, we need practical, how to’s, but without letting our wants bubble up and be given a voice, then these actions are taken from a hallow place. 

The changes don’t become part of us. We’re just going through the motions. 
It also means your forever dependent on outsourcing your decisions and your metrics of success and fulfillment.

Stop for a Moment

You are worth stopping for a moment and asking yourself these questions; especially if there’s a part of you that is saying no or resisting the idea of doing something for yourself and your well being. Let’s get to a place of “YES!” 
Yes, this feels right to me. 
Yes, I’m happy.
Yes, to believing in yourself.
Yes, to what you want. 
Yes, to that feeling you’re seeking. 
Even if you’re busy. Even if you think you can’t change. Even if it seems too hard. 

A simple thing you can do for yourself is to sign up for the next Real Food Challenge starting October 12. It’s a week of treating yourself right and getting support from me with menus and some pretty cool trainings. It’s part of that journey of being the boss! 

Plus, it’s totally Free!! 

All you have to do is sign up here. 

Repeats are totally welcomed and encouraged (you still need to sign up, so I know)! The Real Food Guide will have some new recipes and you’ll get a free grocery shopping list and menu planning template. 

If the challenge isn’t right for you, no big deal. These questions can be used for anything! If you have something that you’re tackling and need help, then let’s chat and see if we should work together. Having a coach means you aren’t alone in asking these questions and what to do next.

May you stop to ask yourself what YOU really want. May you say yes to that. 
Many hugs, 

Here are some testimonials from the previous Real Food Challenge:

“I think the one thing that I took from this was having to be real and honest with myself while completing the assignments. It opened my eyes to some insight about myself that I wasn’t aware of. Thanks so much for offering this challenge!!”  ~ Stephanie
“I have been eating pretty much junk in comparison to what I have done over the past 3-4 years. It felt really good to eat real food and not anything that dragged me down physically. I definitely felt good the entire week, even though there were some really bad challenges during that week. I think it may stick with me as kind of a reset.” ~ Angie
“I needed a reset and I needed new ideas when it came to feeding myself and my family. The Real Food Challenge did just that, and more! I look forward to making some of the recipes again and incorporating various ingredients as staples in my kitchen. And it truly helps to be reminded of the forces working against you when it comes to healthy eating.” ~ Emily

“I wanted to let you know since I’ve started this new food journey I have lost 3 lbs. I have stayed at my same weight since COVID and have been working out with a trainer 3 days a week. Thank you so much for all the awesome information I believe this will be a game changer for me!!” ~ Janet